in cali

i'm sitting here in an apartment looking over palm trees that are only 4 feet and a pool 2 balconies down. i wake up and see that everyones wide awake, with bright eyes, horns are honking, beggars are out, people peddling their rusted bikes down 190th street. the cars switch lanes without signalling. eh, my dad doesnt have a liscense really, but he just shrugs and says its okay.  apathy so strong inside me. goal-less, lips parted, hot. eyes sharp, teeth chewing, unable to stand the soberness to my other side of the family, kinda unable to explain this permanent state i get lost in, carrying on jokes, and meaningless words like someone different.

i teem with jealously, dreaming in this busy city for a surfer that all the girls want.   but i only dream about touching your lips, here all the way across the international date line. im driving around the city with my dad playin slugbug. the sky is never blue here and the pollution is so thick. my dad misses old life, but theres nothing i can do about it.

im trying to find the purpose, and my brothers trying to find weed off some weirdo that has fuck you written across his lip.    everyone here is trying to make their tiny livings, to try to beat everyone else. like everywhere. sitting out in the ugly air all day, their faces lined with dirt from the streets. argueing over prices. men are peddling carts full of dripping garbage, the men is the bars are potbellied smoking cheap cigarettes, yelling to no one all day.